


distant storms

by ylixiss



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Cultural Assimilation, Developing Relationship, Friendship/Love, Homesickness, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27861481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylixiss/pseuds/ylixiss
Summary: chicago is cold, dongyoung is learning how to fit in, johnny helps him, jaehyun just wants to be happy
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	distant storms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coldasian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldasian/gifts).



there are three of them and it’s been like that for what seems like forever. they’ve entered this limbo stage together - when you are almost out of high school and know that you don’t care about what others have to say about you but you still depend on it, by inertia. at that time dongyoung still was getting acquainted with the real english and not the one he studied in korea. everyone speaks too fast, too chewy, too loud. it makes him angry. and only johnny and jaehyun use the right mix of both languages so that he feels like he’s assimilating but also like he’s still home. jaehyun was still dating that one girl everyone had a crush on, and johnny was still the same height as both of them.

and now they are all grown up, johnny is the tallest and drives a car that he managed to buy from all the shifts as a barista in the local starbucks (“ _never again_ ”) and of course with his father's help, dongyoung works as a translator and has passed his ielts with a confident 8.5 and jaehyun doesn’t get in trouble anymore and is single. now instead of roaming around the target and buying one bag of chips for three, they roam around the target and drink the beer that johnny bought for them on the parking lot. of course johnny has a coke in his hand since he’s driving, dongyoung is wincing pleasantly as he takes a hefty sip and jaehyun can’t even begin to tell a joke he promised to tell them because he can’t stop laughing.

(he comes with johnny in the evenings to visit dongyoung and tells dumb jokes and makes them laugh and laughs himself and it’s so comforting dongyoung almost feels like crying because jaehyun is so sweet and nice and people just use it and use him and he hates that it got to this point. does jaehyun laugh or cry when he’s alone? is his heart still broken?)

they used to roam streets together, on bikes, on foot, till everything hurt, till it was dark and cold and dongyoung’s nose was runny and body was trembling and johnny would hugg him close to his chest until they'd reach a 24/7 kebab place and let their bodies thaw. dongyoung almost felt sorry for jaehyun at moments likes these. he was cold too, but he always had to muffle up and hide his hands in his pockets till they reached the warmth. why is chicago so cold?

it’s cold outside all the time, it cold inside too. dongyoung feels so homesick he sometimes cries when he’s taking a shower at 5 am because he has so much to do throughout the day. the sky is still grey from yesterday’s rain and it feels so foreign because it is. nothing is really his here.

but he feels so warm when johnny is wrapping his hand around his shoulders and whispers something in korean. it feels so warm when they go home from school together and johnny does everything to take dongyoung’s mind off that senior who laughed at his accent. of course he feels warm with jaehyun too, they share too many fears and dreams not to. but with johnny, dongyoung feels like they share something that jaehyun might not understand.

one time jaehyun gets grounded again and johnny and dongyoung have to share the spliff between two and not three. dongyoung is wary at first, as always. they are in johnny's room, it’s raining, again and dongyoung just wants to feel warm because he misses home, again. he feels like it’s a very non-korean way to combat homesickness but isn’t it his goal to become an american? assimilate, learn the language, find a job, make the family proud? he shakes his head.

johnny goes first and dongyoung gets to see how the smoke spills and dances around johnny's mouth. when it’s his turn it burns his throat and he feels like he’s about to choke but he braves through it. jaehyun makes this seem so cool and effortless - dongyoung can’t help but admire how jaehyun’s eyelids tremble and a smile splits his face and he looks so peaceful. the only thing that dongyoung feels is burning and apathy. but it’s good enough. 

they talk for 2 hours straight and it’s so late it’s better for dongyoung to sleep over but he has assignments that are due very soon and he’s been procrastinating too much as it is. johnny’s father drives him back to his place and johnny waves him goodbye from the porch. dongyoung doesn’t get any of his homework done and regrets not staying over so much he just goes to sleep, thinking about dozing off on johnny’s lap and how sedating it has felt.

johnny might have a car now but he still lives with his parents and dongyoung rents an apartment that is too small and too expensive. he managed to fill it with some sentimental value - some pictures of his family, of him and johnny during the graduation, the cactus jaehyun gave him as a home warming present, and of course johnny’s birthday present for his 19th birthday - a stuffed penguin that guards dongyoung’s dreams every night.

that birthday they spend riding around the neighborhood in johnny’s newly bought car and dongyoung wanted so much to find a spot where they could see the city lights so far far away so many so bright but they ended up on the same parking lot as always and jaehyun left early. johnny hugged him from behind, kissed his cheek and said happy birthday in korean. dongyoung wishes he could somehow put this moment into a photo to put on his wall. 

sometimes it’s johnny, sometimes it’s dude (when dongyoung is among their highschool friends which usually just jaehyun), sometimes it’s yongho. the name that summons home, summons serenity. sometimes it’s nothing but small touches and quick glances and dongyoung’s hands wrapped around his just because it’s very cold. 

\---

jaehyun is late. they’ve been planning this trip for so long dongyoung is clenching his fists as he counts every minute that jaehyun is late. it’s a chilly morning in august, that kind of chilly that reminds dongyoung that the climate here is different, seasons are different and the fall is coming soon. it reminds him again and again that he isn’t home and that he isn’t sure he wants to be here. just as he thinks about it, johnny appears with a termocup full of freshly made tea in his hand that he shares with him. dongyoung can see jaehyun far away running towards them, his hair clearly unbrushed and skin grey. when dongyoung sees his red eyes he cannot bring himself to start arguing with him.

johnny has only one hand on the wheel as they sing along to the songs, yell them, rap them, jaehyun’s raspy voice not hitting any notes and cutting through dongyoung and johnny’s harmonies. they laugh because almost every song has some dumb story attached to it and for the first time in a very long while dongyoung doesn’t think too much about everything and anything. they stop at the gas station to buy coffee for johnny. dongyoung walks back from the restroom to ask johnny to buy him something as well only to see jaehyun across the parking lot. he’s smoking and he’s on the phone and dongyoung swears he can see that he’s crying. when they are back and the question has almost left dongyoung’s mouth jaehyun wipes his nose and tells him that he must just have caught a cold, nothing to worry about. johnny looks at dongyoung and shakes his head so carefully only he can see it.

dongyoung never expected a lake to have sandy beaches. it feels like they are about to swim in the ocean. as expected jaehyun dives first, laughing and yelling like crazy, telling them that the water is warm but also his balls kinda just shrank back into his body. dongyoung enters the water timidly, getting used to the splashing against his body, getting used to the wind biting at his unprotected skin. 

johnny is laughing, still out of water and pretty much dressed, teasing dongyoung, missing how jaehyun has already walked out of water and is about to jump him. they fumble and dongyoung can hear the mix of yelling and giggling overlapping with the sounds of water hitting his body as he closes his eyes. his moment of calm is interrupted as johnny picks him up as if he weighed nothing and carries him on his shoulder deeper into the water. dongyoung is screaming and is trying to get out of johnny’s hold but the last thing he sees before being unceremoniously flinged into the cold is jaehyun’s dumb smile. at least he’s happy now.

dongyoung doesn’t understand what has come over him but he feels a weird cross of frustration and rage and desolation. or maybe it is something that he has felt all this time but ignored it and let it brew inside of him. he stands up as quickly as he can and grabs johnny’s arms, trying to push him into the water too. johnny smirks and grabs his elbows without much effort and it's like dongyoung is five again, powerless and angry because of it. he pushes against johnny as hard as he can, feeling a new surge of frustration. trying not to fall from being pushed back by johnny’s body, he clutches his hands this time, his fingers fitting between johnny’s like they did many times before. for an instant, they look each other in the eye. dongyoung is surprised to see affection, he wonders what johnny might see in his eyes. he knows it’s candid, it’s vibrant but it’s so far from anger now. their foreheads almost touch and dongyoung can feel johnny’s hair cling to his own skin, can see the stubble struggling to break from johnny's skin, can feel the warm cheek brushing against his as they continue to struggle, pushing against each other. dongyoung feels frustration leave him, a new wave of anguish hit him and suddenly he can’t do it anymore. he relaxes his muscles and just leans into johnny, feeling the other boy’s arms around him, hugging him tightly. johnny’s skin is warm and smells of salt and coffee and dongyoung wants to fade into this embrace forever, fuse with water and never feel cold again and never cry again in the showers again. jaehyun doesn’t say anything to them, but dongyoung can feel his soft gaze on them as they sit by the bonefire, johnny’s arm around his shoulder. it’s strange but dongyoung feels like he can remember every instance this has happened, even though it happened so many times. he remembers johnny hugging him close on the subway when it’s too late and they are on the last train. when he won a small plushy toy on the shooting range, when he got his english results back, every time he complained about missing his parents, every time he complained he’s cold, every time they said goodbye, every time they kissed.

they drop jaehyun off at his house and dongyoung feels bitter. his eyes are not red anymore, he’s smiling but dongyoung can easily imagine how this can change as soon as the door closes behind jaehyun’s back. johnny makes him promise to call him whenever he needs to. jaehyun gives a sad smile and just waves them goodbye as he walks toward his house.

neither of them really wants to go home yet even if they both are tired from swimming all day and johnny keeps rubbing his eyes. they buy beer in the closest convenience store and johnny parks the car there, saying that he’s tired of driving, let’s walk, dongyoung. this might be one of the dozens of parking lots they’ve drank illegally on, asking complete strangers, junkies and local dealers to buy it for them and it almost always worked. he looks up at johnny from where he is slouched against him as johnny leans against the car. dongyoung brushes his fingers slightly against johnny’s face and decides he will let himself be vulnerable again today. when johnny leans down and kisses him, dongyoung feels the same as he felt when they’d kissed for the first time in johnny’s room. he felt exposed back then too, afraid just the second before johnny’s lips touched his hesitantly. back then he thought that maybe everything would become right if he lets himself give in. it didn’t. but every day after that johnny helped him to make it less painful, less cold and less scary.

**Author's Note:**

> written at 5 am in the notes app


End file.
